Reservations on the next train to the Moon

I had a hard time sleeping last night and was going to write a little or a lot more about Pablo. Better that Michael and I just talked for a while. Prior to Sylvie being diagnosed, when I heard the word "cancer" I have to admit, the first word that popped into my mind was "death." But by the first week of March 2009, I have never ever thought that again. Whether I'm in the Reuten clinic with Sylvie or the pediatric oncology floor at HUMC I see the beautiful faces of children of all ages, shapes and sizes surrounded by doctors, nurses, social workers, child life workers, music & dance therapists, clowns and other volunteers. Most everyone is HAPPY although you can definitely spot the the 'new' parents and grandparents because like us in the beginning, they're crying a lot. But never ever do I think that any of the kids aren't going to be a okay. Call me crazy. In PICU after Sylvie's surgery, I couldn't help but think about it because whenever I went to the fridge, I was surrounded by pediatric palliative care literature. I had never heard of pediatric hospice either. But it made me think of all the other horrible ailments BESIDES cancer that could harm a child.

So yesterday was a hard day yet Michael and I are so inspired by Jeff & JoAnne, Pablo's parents who continue to be a beacon of positive energy and ray of light for us.

When Sylvie was first diagnosed, I remember talking to my friend Chantal on my cell phone from the hallway and we were both crying. I kept reflecting on a song she wrote called "M" about a terminally ill little girl that begins with "They must mean business/ to say theres nothing worse/ Than to let your precious love child/Leave the planet first" and it's made me cry since I first heard it in 1999 before I met Michael, got married, had a child, who got cancer and so forth. Anyway, Chantal yelled at me like only a friend can and said that was NOT APPLICABLE TO SYLVIE and COULD NOT BE COMPARED and it really clicked. Sylvie was not going to die.

But the first thing I did this morning when I woke up was play it.

Pablo was under the wonderful care at Children's Hospital Los Angeles and I plan to make a donation in Pablo's memory and in honor of his family tomorrow at http://www.childrenshospitalla.org/site/c.ipINKTOAJsG/b.3476085/k.BD1F/Giving.htm