Day of Rest

Not that anyone wants to 'lose an hour' but changing my watch and clocks before bedtime last night was painful. I'm storing sleep in preparation for the onslaught of round two chemo that is supposed to take place Monday through Wednesday. Michael's mom, Ann, slept at the hospital to give Michael & me a night on the town. Besides being sleep deprived, I don't really feel like doing anything remotely sociable. I know at some point we're supposed to 'get back to doing normal things' but right now, all those normal things still seem very trivial. I haven't watched any television whatsoever in nearly a month although our brand new TiVo has recorded all of my favorites. Michael is really into a show about jockeys on Animal Planet. I burned out on the channel but used to love Emergency Vets (I became a psycho letter writer when they treated exotic animals) and Animal Rescue (New York, Detroit, Miami-- I've seen them all).

Back to my story, we left the hospital after 7 pm. There is a point to this. Sylvie was pretty content with her princess movies and Grandma. Bells, whistles and alarms were kept to a minimum. Michael craved a big fat steak so we went to Janice Bistro in Ho Ho Kus and sat at the bar. After frequent trips there, the owner knows us, by sight at least. We ate sideways, cocking our heads to one another while we talked. Debated religion. I told him that I've prayed a whole lot more in the past month than in my entire life and thought about faith & religion tenfold but I'm really not sure who or what I'm praying to anymore. I do know all of our prayers are going to the same place and find comfort in that. Michael said he'd rather go to temple with me than to yoga class. I said fine because I like going to yoga alone anyway.

Back to my story (at this point anyone who ever lived with me and is reading this will call it an "Audra Story"). Prior to leaving the restaurant, the owner came up to us to see how our meal was and the ask the inevitable:
OWNER: You have kids?
ME (Michael totally silent): YES
OWNER: Great, a night out! (he has no idea)
Boy or girl?
ME: GIRL (sticking to 1 word answers. where's this going?)
OWNER: How old?
ME: Almost 3
OWNER: Wow, she must be a handful and keep you up at night
ME: YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

And with that, we shook hands and left. We sighed when we exited, happy to not have had to ruin his night and tell him about Sylvie. I was glad, however, he didn't remember the disastrous time we took her with us to dinner there and had to leave 2 minutes after our entrees arrived.

The morning comprised of yoga, walking Lucky, bumming out my neighbor Sandy who I hadn't seen in the 3+ weeks that I haven't been on the train in the morning. She reminds me exactly of Susie Greene (Larry David's manager's obscene wife on "Curb Your Enthusiasm"). If you watch the show, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about!

Sylvie's port makes a creaking sound that's created by the end of the insertion needle literally scratching on the back of the apparatus under her skin. It's not painful however it sounds worse than chalk on a blackboard and more like a cross between Morse Code and visitors from another planet.

Aunt Polina, Dina and baby Sydney (he looks like a Semour to me) came to visit and brought cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery and fancy candles. Sylvie didn't have the heart to kick them out because these are the creme de la creme of candles. Sydney's adorable. I forgot what Sylvie was like at 8 months old.

Polina has a way with words. When I told her about how nervous I was to hook up and use the NG tube and pump at home last Friday, she said "But I've seen you with a breast pump!" (Sorry Mom but I blogged about it on Kiwimagonline.com already!).

And when I told her that they put a bigger diameter NG tube in Sylvie (technically an ND tube), she said "So it's the difference between angel hair and lingini." Bucatini, I corrected her.

Sylvie was in a pretty decent mood today. We've been reading two new books from Pam & Chris-- "Bethany Butterfly" and "What Julianna Could See" which is actually a story that the actress Julianna Margulies's dad wrote for her when she was a little girl. Pam also gave me a new aluminum water bottle and a book called "The Ocean of Dharma" by Chogyam Trungpa (Pam knows my 'Leave No Trace' ethics and yogi leanings very well!!!!). Excuse me while I put a mysterious empty Poland Spring bottle that I found beside Sylvie's bed in the recycling bin.

Except for the continuous 102-103 fever, Sylvie is doing pretty well today. Blood counts normal, nothing funky in the blood cultures. Dr. Steele will make the final call regarding chemo tomorrow morning. Calling it an early evening in case tomorrow is an all-nighter.

Michael has challenged me to a game of gin while Sylvie watches The Little Mermaid III.