Cinco

I struggle with how do we mark Sylvie’s birthday and other anniversaries. I read somewhere that as a society, we celebrate when a ship comes home, not when it sinks (except perhaps when the sinking of ships started world wars). Anyway, Sylvie should be turning five today, May 12, and we should be celebrating with her here on this earth. Toasting to her potential reached thus far. Potential reached at 3.5 years old. We feel totally robbed and that Sylvie was robbed of reaching her potential, too. I used to keep a red journal in the car and when Sylvie was a baby, I’d write her letters with the intention of presenting it to her when she was older. I’ve long since misplaced the journal but on the eve of Sylvie’s fifth birthday, I decided to write her a birthday letter.

Dear Sylvie,
Today is your fifth birthday and like any other day, your dad and I are so proud to be your mommy and daddy. We talk about you all the time, look at pictures of you a million times a day and reminisce (fancy for "talk about things that happened a long time ago") about all the places we went to and things we did. And sweetie-- sometimes you gave us a very hard time! But we love you so tremendously just the same. Even when you would tell people that you don’t like them, we are proud because you are truthful and we don't like everyone all the time either.

We wish you were here for us to celebrate this special day and I personally wish that I could be making “Sylvie’s Fifth Birthday Greatest Hits” to share with your friends. I’m sure you would love Sleigh Bells, Peter Bjorn, Lady Gaga and Enrique Iglesias. I have a feeling you would also like the Black Eyed Peas in which we’d have to have our first grown up talk about “good music” versus “bad music.” Your auntie Jodie would have given you something from Miley Cyrus. Auntie Polina—something fabulous and fancy that you’d wear for a week straight. Tita Cindy—something custom made from Etsy. Megan would have given you a new bag of marbles because I keep telling her that I don’t know where yours are. Grandma’s and Grandpa’s—your first American Girl doll(s). Jette & Nevada would have made you something and Samantha would have picked something out herself.

But you’re not here. And it’s your birthday. I can only imagine what you are wearing. Polina’s turquoise dress which you wore for a week straight in LBI. Samantha’s polka dot dress or one of the three matching dresses you both wore constantly. Or the pink plaid silk dress from Hanna Andersen which I had been saving for a very special occasion. Not your funeral.

Daddy would have ordered a special cake from Ciao For Now plus mini cupcakes although Cindy brought over Baked By Melissa ones for New Year’s and I know you’d like them better, especially the tie-dyed ones.

Spencer and Ryan hear about you all day long. I know you visit them because sometimes they get this joyful look in their eyes as if there is someone else in the room making them smile and I know you are there. They would have given you the new Disney princess movie on DVD, “Tangled.”

In 3.5 years, you gave your daddy and me the ability to be silly, to act compassionate, to name all the Disney Princesses, Barbie, too! To sing badly out loud all day long, to cry in public places and be okay with it, to put our family before anyone or anything else and to love like never before and never since.

Make a wish and blow out your candles.