Sylvie's Birthday

(picture of Sylvie shopping for birthday candles the night before she was admitted to HUMC and diagnosed with cancer)

Sylvie's fourth birthday is tomorrow, May 12. My cheeks look like they have first degree burns from where the tears have collected.

I miss her so much and often wonder if she's present or sharing a moment with us. Wondering why we cry all the time. Sporadically talk to her. Maybe that's why our music playlists randomly change to one of her favorite songs. Or why little girls in the middle of a blizzard yet dressed in Sylvie's favorite gray dress with pink bows & sparkly shoes would approach Michael at the store asking, "ARE YOU A DADDY?" Or when I feel her presence during a yoga class so strong that it feels like her 26 pounds are laying on top of me. Or the numerous friends, friends of friends who have had vivid Sylvie dreams, many of which included my being pregnant with twins long before we told anyone. I even found a handful of crumpled tissues, the soft kind, not the scratchy Seventh Generation ones that I loyally use, tucked in my jacket pocket one day, a distinct reminder of my grandma Sylvia, who little Sylvie in her absolute fabulousness, even at age 3, was destined to become. When I hear birds chirp I think of Snow White, Sleeping Beauty or Enchanted. It takes a very special little girl to get me to think so much about Disney movies, that's for sure. Michael has been planting enough flowers lately to make our house look like an English garden. He said that he keeps planting them because they remind him of Sylvie. She would definitely love them and I had looked forward to teaching her the difference between a tulip, daffodil, peony, lily, lilac, azalea and hydrangea.

And while I get to email friends about how damn sad we are all the time, I can't even begin to imagine how our parents feel because they grieve for us and for Sylvie. They have a common desire to shelter their own children from harm and common emptiness over Princess Sylvie.

As for her birthday, our wounds are still very very raw. Michael and I plan to spend the day together. We'll visit the cemetery, naturally, bring some of Sylvie's favorite books, sparkly rocks and shells and perhaps a red velvet cupcake. I bought a big Ariel birthday candle, too.

Speaking of which, as you know, Sylvie collected and coveted birthday candles. It wasn't a celebration unless candles were lit and Sylvie would push and shove to reach them if she was not the guest of honor. Sylvie would either blow them out, collect them or go so far as to stick her finger in the icing. We had to be careful or she could really spoil someone else's birthday celebration. On the other hand, my dad was so used to Sylvie climbing on him to reach his birthday candles that last year we got him a pink birthday cake since Sylvie would be doing the birthday honors. She was home from the hospital, sat on the couch with her grandpa and yes, blew them all out. We all wished for the same thing. We spent May 11 and 12th in the Reuten Clinic where they had two birthday celebrations and princess parties for her. Lots of candles. Sylvie's many purses were never truly full unless they had candles stuffed inside. We have hundreds of them in different colors, shapes and sizes. In Sylvie's memory and if you feel so inclined we'd be thrilled if you stuck a birthday candle in a piece of cake or cupcake tomorrow, think about our little dynamo and make your own wish.

In addition, she loved pinwheels. Both she and Samantha stuck them in their respective front lawns and I even have a princess one resting beside Sylvie and whenever I see the red, white and blue one in our front yard blowing, I think of her puffing her little cheeks and blowing. So if you're looking for yet another way to remember her that does not involve sugary treats or fire...pinwheels!

Shortly after Sylvie passed, my friend Jeanne-Marie dropped by our house in Vermont bearing a French tradition-- a gorgeous leather album she had bought in Florence and a bottle of champagne, French of course. The tradition goes like this--friends and family members decorate the album with memories and tokens of the dearly departed. It gets passed on from house to house. On the anniversary of the date, friends and family members uncork a bottle of champagne and flip through the album. It's taken me five months to embark on the project and we want to extend to friends, family members, classmates and so forth who would like to decorate a page. Each page is 13" wide by 9.5" tall. We will be sending it all over the country so we ask that you think about it ahead of time so we can be expeditious. Please let us know if you'd like to contribute.

As for us, well we have thousands of photographs and mementos so I am not sure where to begin but we have enjoyed seeing photographs or art projects that our friends and family have taken or made. Thank you for sharing with us and being a constant reminder that most of all, Sylvie was beloved and adored by many.

I would also like to kindly remind those to sign up for Strides For Sylvie at the Ridgewood Run on Monday, May 31. It's best to register online at www.raceforum.com/ridgewood and enter the code SFS10, you will receive a discount and it lets us keep track of the runners. In exchange for a swanky new t-shirt we kindly ask that you independently help raise funds for Tomorrows Children's Fund. We will have pretty incredible tricky tray raffle/auction at the run featuring awesome items and gift certificates from local businesses and also special event tickets. Please stop by.

In Sylvie's memory, her preschool is planting two princess holly bushes and is raising money to create Princess Sylvie treasure chests for the pediatric oncology kids at HUMC filled with princess and superhero costumes and accessories. If you have any brand new, never worn princess/barbie/superhero costumes, they would make great contributions. You can drop them off, bring them to the Ridgewood Run, et cetera. Michael and I can't emotionally bear to drive on Essex or Prospect streets in Hackensack without hyperventilating but we will make sure the costumes reach their destination.